garden_priestess

Thanks to my friend Alymid and some Passover celebrations, I'm able to fake it . . .


jewXcore!


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Echoing the words of our dear Mary, on October 2nd I wrote:

"I declare, before the members of this list, that I consider myself a
member of the Grok Fellowship and this Fellowship to be a church. I will plant bulbs on October 15th as a devotion and a sign of faith that this Fellowship will grow and flower with time and nurturing."

I've spent much time since then meditating on those words, on the short-term and long-term implications of this statement.

Last Saturday I planted 40 Siberian squill in the shade garden, imbuing them with the positive energy I see manifesting around Grok Fellowship. I blessed them, and put down fertilizer, and watered them well. Then I worked my way through the gardens, cutting down dead plants and exposing the soil.

Last Sunday I moved some plants in the back garden, taking out a couple and shifting the others to give them more light and show them off to better advantage. Then I planted a dozen small pink allium there, once again blessing them to grow and prosper as I hope Grok Fellowship will.

Last night I popped some overgrown echinacea out of the ground, and took it to work today to share with coworkers who have moved to new homes, with bare new gardens.

Today it rained most of the day, but the sun came out just as I was driving home. It's cold outside - 45 degrees - but I changed clothes and rushed out to plant a dozen Puschkinia in the front garden. They are lovely white and blue flowers that bloom early, in March or April. Fertilizer, water, and blessings accompanied them into the ground.

I have more to plant - 18 white tulips, 24 bicolor daffodils (white with yellow centers,) 60 crocus, 3 lilies, 12 light blue grape hyacinth. I think that's everything, though I may make another trip to the plant store if next weekend's weather is as good as we expect.

All my work this autumn is dedicated to the memory of what I treasured in CAW, and what I hope Grok Fellowship will become. As I cut down the year's growth, spread compost, divide and move plants, plan next spring's divisions, I think about the good experiences and good people CAW brought into my life. I consider how we might manifest more of that goodness within Grok Fellowship.

And I think of the work we have already accomplished, and look forward to its flowering.

An old, dear friend called me last night. We'd drifted out of touch over the last couple of years - busy lives going in different directions. She'd heard about the demise of CAW (Green Egg Nesting Notes brought us together in the first place) and called to see how I was doing.

I was surprised to realize how much I'd missed her. She was a big part of my 40s; I was a big part of her 20s. We worked closely on some big projects, helping to put on an annual festival for 60-70 people. We did some interesting and intense magick together, helped each other through some emotional ups and downs, were occasionally annoyed with one another. All in all, a very worthwhile friendship.

I need to keep in touch with her.

I've spent the last two years (and more, actually, but the process seemed to accelerate greatly in the last two years) watching the church I love disintegrate.

For too much of this time I've felt like the walking wounded, too numb to practice magick, too weary to continue pouring energy into the festival I'd worked on each year for 10 years, too out of touch with the moments of deep friendship and ecstasy that had originally brought me to this church.

I saw decisions made that were an echo, if not an exact repitition, of past decisions that had been mistakes. I saw patterns danced again and again, resulting each time in the loss of valued people, the negation of good magick and the propagation of negative thinking and anger. And it seemed that my attempts to address these issues, to point out the patterns and what I saw as errors, were misconstrued and caused more devisiveness.

Finally secrecy, manipulation, and betrayal drove me to resign.

I've spent 5 months trying to heal, and have only just begun. The wounds are deep, the desolation left behind is no longer overwhelming but still is just below the surface and too easily touched.

I just posted the words below as a response to an old friend from the church, someone I'd lost track of and recently reconnected with here. As I posted them, I realized that I need to be living this advice myself now. Here is, perhaps, a way to heal and to bring back into my live that which I have lost in the past few years, that which I valued most in the church. New beginnings . . .

"True magick is an operation one performs on oneself. Instead of bending the universe to one's will, one bends oneself - and the universe adjusts to that change.

"If you ever studied chemistry, you may remember the concept of dynamic balance when working with chemicals in solution. Change one element of the equation, and all the others adjust to accommodate the change.

"This works in the everyday world, too. Magick performed to self-actualize, to make oneself into a person who is attractive to those one admires and who fits in with those one wishes to know, causes changes in the outer world. It must be real magick, real internal change, not the donning of a mask to make oneself appear different.

"It's not instantaneous -- it's a gradual process, but if you work at it consistently, you eventually realize that many of the things you wished for have become real in your life - perhaps not in exactly the way you originally envisioned, but in a satisfying and fulfilling way nevertheless."

I am a Priestess. I know how to do this.

You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party.
What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves.
What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.


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Same result for me . . .

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in
1. history score: 5
2. painting score: 4
3. music score: 4
4. science score: 4
5. research score: 4
6. statistics score: 4
7. problem solving score: 3
8. reading score: 3
9. technology score: 3
10. laughing score: 3
11. politics score: 3
12. hiking score: 3
13. television score: 2
14. psychology score: 2
15. biology score: 2
16. the beatles score: 2
17. radiohead score: 2
18. cynicism score: 2
19. x-files score: 2
20. economics score: 2

Type your username here to find out what interests it suggests for you.

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